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Living one awkward moment after another.
Awkward Moment #5
So…I decided to walk the dog this morning… …and after bundling (me and the dog) because of the arctic temperatures, I headed out the door. Upon stepping off my porch, my nose hairs froze to my boogies. That’s how cold it was!! I walked my usual route with the dog. Down the street…right at the light…right at the first corner…and head back because I’m lazy. (sometimes I’ll loop the entire block, but this particular day was way too cold.) We arrived at the light and the dog decided to do his business on a patch of snow. As he squatted I reached for a poop bag and just my luck…I forgot to bring one with me!! Here is my dog pooping at a stop light with cars backed up watching the owner look for a bag. Awkward! What should I do? Pick it up with my hands…nope. Just walk away like a jerk…possibly. I waited for the light to change, but just as the few cars pulled away, a new crop of cars pulled up to the red light. Crap!! I dialed home to explain my situation…the wife told me to run. As the second set of lights changed…all cars cleared out…and I made a run for it. I completely ignored the cars facing me at the gas station and ran half a block to my house. I should have just grabbed a bag when I got home and cleaned up my predicament, but I didn’t want to return to the scene of the crime. For all I knew, there were cops putting up police tape around the turd and interviewing other dogs in the neighborhood. I took a quick drive to the bagel store and everything looked calm. I looked out the window all day and hoped I wouldn’t get questioned. I tried to keep busy to keep my mind off the crime. Later in the evening, I bundled both of us up again and headed out with two bags…just in case. The pooch did his business…I picked it up and headed out. On my way home, I picked up the evidence from the morning’s crime scene. It had frozen over, but I feel I did the right thing.
Awkward Moment #4
Once in a while…in fact every time the class has spoken about religions…there is one or two children in the class that practice that religion. Let’s take Hinduism for example…I’m up in front of the class teaching the origins of Hinduism and I have a few practicing Hindus staring right back at me. I know they’re looking at me and judging me. I’m a nervous wreck in these situations. I can’t even look them in the eye because I’m scared I’m not teaching the history right. There is something in me that just wants to stop the class and ask them…“How’m I doin up here?” Sometimes I see them turn around and whisper to another student…I can only imagine what they’re saying. “Actually…(insert some obscure fact that I wouldn’t dare challenge).” Someone always told me not to talk about sex, politics, religion, or money at the dinner table. I think we should extend that to the classroom as well.
Awesome Tidbit 1
You know what’s awesome…Hearing the phone ring 30 minutes before your alarm clock goes off…and it’s your school calling to tell you there is a 90 minute delayed opening. You know what’s more awesome than that…after getting an extra 90 minutes of sleep, you’re on your way to turn the shower on and your get another call from your school telling you that there will be no school today!! And…it’s raining out!!
Awkward Moment #3
So, I walked into the grocery story to pick up a few items. I brought some coupons Now, I’m not perfect, but I know the types of characters that work the register line. Sometimes they’re teenagers, sometimes they’re retirees, and sometimes there’s something missing. I walk into a line where their is something missing with the woman working the register. I am 100% cordial. ”Hi, how are ya?” We continue to pass some pleasantries until I pass her my coupons. She has apparently been caused some anxiety over coupons in the past. She asked me to find all my items that I’m using coupons for and put them aside. So I find my cheese, I find my cereal, and I find my 3 taco extravaganza items. She starts to scan. Coupons are working without any problems. This is going to be a great coupon experience for my little scanner. And then she reads the taco coupon. She mis-reads the coupon and tells me that I need 2 taco shell kits in order for my coupon to work. It probably didn’t help that I mistakenly grabbed an el paso salsa instead of ortega. I see my mistake and run to get an ortega salsa and quickly get back in line. Here’s where things get a bit awkward… I try to explain what the coupon says. She seems stubborn. I’m still very cordial. From afar, a manager, we’ll call him Dick, senses my frustration and comes over. Dick takes a look at the coupon and reprimands the scanner…quite loudly and rudely. AWKWARD! I was not making a stink. I probably would have eventually told her that I read the coupon wrong and paid for everything without a coupon. But Dick comes in and starts raising hell. I know I should have said something to Dick, but I just wanted the get out of there. She scans the coupon and VOILA it worked! Unfortunately, both the scanner and I felt extremely uncomfortable for the remainder of my shopping experience. The tacos were delicious.
Awkward Moment #2
Are you ever sitting in a bathroom stall (see previous post) and someone else walks into the bathroom? It happens from time to time. My general rule is to sit and wait until that other person leaves so I don’t have to face the embarrassment of looking the other person in the eye. We both know what just happened in the stall…it does not need to be acknowledged. So…I’m in this stall. Going as fast as I can. I do my business. Just as I’m zipping up, I hear the door open. DAMN!! I have two options here: #1 - I can wait quietly until the other person leaves. This might take longer than you think. What if you really need to go somewhere? I still think this is the best option. #2 - You can walk out of the stall and make a joke of what you were doing in there. If you are quick witted and well liked by your colleagues, then this would work very well for you. So, I chose option #1. And…the other person tried to hold a conversation with you. I guess they recognized my shoes. Maybe next time, I’ll lift my feet up so they can’t catch a glimpse of my kicks. I don’t know what’s worse…getting caught in an awkward situation or getting forced to hold awkward conversation while in an awkward situation.
Awkward Moments #1
Just decided to start posting all of my life’s awkward moments. These have happened in no particular order. I’ll just post them as they happen to me…and they happen a lot!! Awkward Moment #1 You walk into a one stall - one stander bathroom. You see the feet. You know the ones I’m talking about. There are feet already sitting in the stall. You don’t exactly know how long they’ve been there, but you do smell something. You wonder...do I have time to do my business, wash my hands and not see who’s in that stall? Well…any other person would have all the time in the world…except ME!!Just as I finish my business at the stander, out walks a colleague from the stall…AWKWARD!! Not to mention, there is only one sink to use. I’m at a crossroads. Obviously, his hands are dirtier than mine. Do I let him wash his hands first or do I step in front of him just to speed the awkwardness up? I step in front of him..of course. But now, I have to hold an awkward conversation with him. Do we talk business or do we talk BUSINESS? We kept it cordial and made that awkward small talk. Some crazy weather this time of year, eh? |
There’s a time of year that I really hate and it is the time of year that I have to teach religion in class. Now, I’m not the most religious person and I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know too much about all religions…I know just enough to get me by in a friendly conversation. But five times a year, I have to teach impressionable children the history and origins the world’s major religions.
Themed by Shiftcomma3
